“How did you not see this? You have another lesson to learn...” These are just some of the reactions L., a young woman I worked with, faced after revealing the harassment she endured from her partner. Her story is not unique; it’s a journey many take, filled with confusion, pain, and a profound sense of betrayal.

In recent years, discussions about gaslighting and its warning signs have gained traction, but often overlooked are the reactions of those around the person affected. When someone like L. finally speaks up, the world can react in ways that compound her suffering.
Imagine the trust she built over years—layered gently, like petals unfolding in a flower. With every shared moment, her heart opened a little more. She believed in the goodness of her partner, thought they were creating a safe space together. But then came the shocking betrayal: the lies, the manipulation, and the violation of intimacy. It shattered her understanding of love itself.
L.’s experience serves as a painful reminder that once trust is broken, the impact can ripple outward. Friends, family, even acquaintances can unwittingly add to her trauma with their probing questions. “Didn’t you see the signs? How could you let this happen?” These inquiries, while often rooted in concern, can feel like another form of victimization. They strip away the agency she fought so hard to reclaim.
What many don’t realize is that these reactions often stem from fear—fear of the unknown, fear that it could happen to them. If they can rationalize what happened to L., perhaps they can convince themselves it won’t happen to them. But this reasoning doesn’t offer the support or understanding she needs. Instead, it leaves her feeling isolated and judged.
As a therapist, I see the value in holding space for these experiences without judgment. The healing journey isn’t about finding blame but about cultivating compassion. It’s essential to listen—to offer a non-judgmental presence that allows individuals like L. to express their pain without the weight of others’ expectations or assumptions. If you find yourself grappling with feelings of betrayal or shame, know that you don’t have to navigate this alone. Seeking counselling can provide a safe space where your feelings are validated and understood. Together, we can explore your experiences, rebuild your sense of self, and foster resilience in the face of adversity. Remember, healing begins when we create connections based on empathy and understanding. You deserve to be heard, and you are not alone on this journey.